Shopping

I find shopping difficult. There is too much choice, the temperature is usually a few degrees above bearable and there are lots of people who I feel are always walking into me.

When I was a teenager, going shopping was seen as the cool thing to do. I don’t think we ever actually brought that much beyond a McDonalds and some cheap earrings from Claire’s accessories . However, I don’t ever remember it causing me much discomfort.

For some reason this all seemed to change in 2014. Myself and my boyfriend decided to go Christmas shopping. We had met a friend for a lare lunch and decided to go our separate ways to find something for each other. All of a sudden I felt really lost, my heart started pounding and I felt really disorientated as it had started to get dark. I was doing my best to try and find the shops I needed and actually concentrate on what was for sale but it was impossible and so overwhelming. Eventually I found a quite space and burst into tears feeling completely hopeless.

I was meant to be driving my boyfriend and friend back to the area they lived in at the time but all I wanted to do was go home. I called my boyfriend and thankfully he came to find me. I couldn’t say anything beyond I wanted to go home. After finding somewhere to sit and have a snack I didn’t even want to face the crowds back to the carpark so I got a taxi back to my car.

I felt awful because our friend thought it was his fault as my boyfriend had left him to his own devices to come and help me. Unfortunately aspects of anxiety can come across as rude, particularly when I was at a time when i was not really sure if anxiety was something I was experiencing.

It was only when the same thing kept happening in the same situation that I started to read more about it. The second time I was in the same shopping centre with my mum listening to a street musician and I couldn’t focus and it felt like everybody was getting in my space. I told my mum I was having difficulty breathing and needed to go somewhere calm.

After a cup of tea and explaining how I felt I realised I have quite high expectations when I go shopping. If I go with something in mind and cant fi d that imaginary item I get worried and the sheer amount of choice available really doesn’t help.

I avoided going to busy shopping areas for a while on my own because I just could not focus and it was not enjoyable for me.

Thankfully the internet has been a huge help for me in this respect. For example, rather than have the pressure of trying things on and getting hot and bothered, if I see something I like, I make a note and will buy it online. It’s been a way to help me face the discomfort of the environment so I can still enjoy the social aspect these places have to offer. Then if things still feel busy I have a list of quiet coffee shops which usually have a shorter queue. As a result of this I have been able to refine my style because I know that I need to look past all the minute trend items at the front of the store which will never make it into my wardrobe. Don’t get me wrong it’s taken a while to get used to and I’ve only managed to get through a round of Christmas shopping without feeling panicked and overwhelmed today. So on that note please persevere and if you experience so nothing similar please try to keep working on your trigger factors. Mine is the business and too much choice. There are ways round it. If yours is navigating, try and find a smaller precinct or if you don’t like much noise, work out the shops which have less background music or have a safe space you can retreat to.

I cannot say I will ever love shopping because I have other things I would rather do but sometimes it has to be done. Finding your best coping strategy to make it more bearable is better than the dread of putting it off and forcing yourself to do it.